okay pat passed out under dana's car
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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