i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wear drunk well.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
