I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
