So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
