i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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