what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I believe in your delicious
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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