Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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