He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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