That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
