she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
