I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just pee around me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
