my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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