I look better un-naked...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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