conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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