It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
