you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
