I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
