I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
