it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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