He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
