Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm sobbing to NWA
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
