Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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