Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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