You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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