She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
