Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
