So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
