I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
