Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I did not marry a roomba.
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