I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fill condoms, not promises.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
