her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
