can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
