I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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