she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
