I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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