he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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