the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
