am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
