What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
