Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
