I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
