whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
