they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
