Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
