why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
