After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
