Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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