I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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