she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
