she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
