True but thats because hes a fetus.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
