I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
